Afraid of Commitment?
by m0nica
Summary: Natara is getting way too afraid, and is trying to break Mal's heart. Why? Don't worry happy ending I promise.


"You can't be serious." Mal said, grabbing Natara's waist.

"Mal, I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore." she sighed.

"I don't understand.. Why? What did I do?" Mal begged. She couldn't be breaking up with him. It didn't make sense. She loved him. He knew it. What was she doing!?

Natara took a deep breath, "You didn't do anything wrong, Mal. I just don't think this is the right thing for us right now."

As she turned to walk away Mal ran toward her and grabbed her hand. When she turned around she saw all of the pain in his eyes and it made her weak. She knew it would be hard, but she never imagined actually looking into his eyes when she broke his heart. She never imagined herself ending it.

He whispered, "But baby we're stronger together. We're the best partners in world. We've captured so many people, saved so many lives... how can this not be right for us?"

She took a moment to caress his hands before she spoke. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes."It just isn't." Natara retorted.

"Is this about Firstborn? Nat, baby, we're going to find him..."

"No, Mal. This isn't about that. It's about me and how I feel." she interrupted.

"Well then how do you feel?" Mal questioned, looking into her eyes longingly. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she didn't love him like he thought she did. Maybe their time together meant way more to him than it did her, but that just didn't make sense. He was supposed to be the one. He was supposed to the only guy who understood her and knew what was best for her. She had told him that a billion times, how could things just change?

"I feel like we can't be together anymore." she whimpered, holding back tears.

"We will be, Natara. Every damn day you're going to have to see my face. I'm your fucking partner! I'm everywhere you look."

"I'm sure Maria will be able to figure something out." she shrugged.

"That would put people in danger! We save lives together. We're not nearly as strong apart."

"Then we'll be partners- just partners." she sighed.

Mal started hyperventilating. He threw his hands up in the air and cursed, tears forming in his eyes quickly. He looked at Natara, the love of his life, the one who he knows he was meant to be with, and silently mouthed "Why?" She was on the brink of now, too. Mal ran his fingers through his hair and groaned.

"You're making it harder than it needs to be, Mal." Natara whispered.

Mal's pain went to fury in a matter of moments. "WHAT THE FUCK NATARA?! It's going to be hard. Hell, it's going to be fucking impossible. Looking at you, Nat, every single day and seeing you so happy without me... Dammit I don't think I can do it." he screamed.

Natara started to cry, "Mal it's going to be okay.. you're going to be okay."

Tears fell from Mal's eyes too. He looked down at the ground, collecting his thoughts until he muttered, "No, Nat, it won't." He looked up at her and she saw his tears. Natara was with Mal when he saw the most gruesome murders and he didn't cry. Mal saw his father die and he didn't cry. He saw his girlfriend die and he didn't cry. He even saw his best friend die and he didn't cry. But now he was crying and it was _her_ fault. She had brought the strongest man, the only man for her, to tears. She was speechless.

"You'll come into work everyday and you'll be wearing a pants suit, like you do everyday. You'll do some crazy psychic shit and I'll throw a few punches and we'll catch another killer and saved another dozen lives. But in those car rides we'll be sitting quietly, or even worse small-talking. You'll ask me about my day and I'll lie and say that it was great, and you'll tell me you had fun but you won't be lying. Then we'll get off and I won't be able to ask you if you want to go get dinner. I'll eat my sweet and sour pork all by myself and then I'll fuck random girls and close my eyes and pretend they're you. Then in the morning I'll wake up and I'll hate myself, and I'll hate them because they aren't you and they'll never be you and I'll never have you back for a reason that you won't even tell me."

Natara stepped towards Mal and placed a hand on his shoulder and muttered, "I know it doesn't sound like it, but it's for the better. I swear." She turned and walked off, until Mal blurted, "Why are you so afraid?"

Natara whipped around instantly, confused about how accurate he was. Her facade was flawless, so she knew she didn't give anything away. She just stared at him in shock, her mouth agape until he rushed o towards her and grabbed her hand.

"Yes, baby, we've hurt eachother. You're afraid you're going to hurt me like you hurt Oscar or Shawn. My love, they aren't us. They weren't meant to be but we are. Everyone knows it, and I know you do, too. You're afraid you're going to hurt me, but baby what could hurt worse than this?" he said, trying as hard as he possibly could to keep the tears out of his eyes, "Don't give up on me."

"I can't hurt you. When I hurt Oscar I knew it was right, and I know that I'm right now." she replied, doing her best to maintain her strong facade.

"You're lying."

"Mal, honey, I'm not."

"Yes you are. You love me."

"I never said I didn't love you."

"Then say you do."

Natara took a step closer to Mal and looked into his eyes. She did love him with ever fiber of being. He was so right it hurt, and it sounded so stupid when he said it. She loved him more than anything in the world and it killed her seeing him hurt, but he was Mal Fallon and he'd get over it.. atleast she hoped.

"What if I get killed? If we're not together it'll be easier." she whispered.

"Whether or not we're together does not determine how much I love you. You'd break my heart either way. If that's what you're afraid of, then let me have my time with you now. Please." Mal was almost begging at this point. He couldn't tell if this was working; if he'd get her back.

"We hurt each other too much. It's not healthy."

"Hurt you? I treat you like a fucking princess. I give you _everything,_" Mal yelled. He was absolutely furious. He pushed her against the wall and she squealed. He did give her everything. He was everything she ever wanted, why was she forcing herself to give it all up?

"You deserve to be happy, Natara. You know damn well if I thought this would make you happy I would do it. You won't be happy like this. You won't be happy without me and you know it. I don't understand why you're so afraid or why you're so ashamed but I have_ never_, not once, done _anything_ to you that wasn't out of love. So please tell me the real reason why you're doing this."

"You were going to propose to me tonight, weren't you?" Natara blurted. Mal was taken back. He was, she was right but who the hell told her.

"You're breaking up with me... because I want to marry you?" Mal questioned. The tears returned, "How did you even know?"

"I'm a profiler, Mal. I could tell."

"But why end it? If you're not ready that's okay we can wait. I'll always wait for you. We can still be together. Why end it over this?" Mal pleaded.

"What if I am ready?" Natara whispered. She took a step away from the wall and towards Mal, "I'm not afraid because I'm not ready. I want to marry you. I'm scared because... because I want to be with you the rest of my life. I don't know how long that is, but I want you in it and god dammit that scares me."

"Why? Do you think I can't make you happy?"

"I know you can."

"Then why get rid of me?!

"Because I'm so, so in love with you it hurts. I never loved Oscar or Shawn this much and it kills me inside. I want you and only you and I have for so long it frightens me, Mal. If I get rid of you now I know you'll never be the one to leave me."

Mal smiled, wiped away a tear, and pulled her into his arms. She bawled into his chest, apologizing again and again. He whispered into her ear, "It's okay, my love. We're okay" at least fifty times until she let go of his chest and looked up. She told him, and she meant it, that she was going to be with him forever. She said she'd never let a soul hurt him, and that she didn't need anything else but him in her life.

Her pinned her against the wall, their noses brushing. She leaned up, trying to kiss him but he stopped her. "I need to know you'll never do this again. I need to know that you'll never try to get rid of me." he said.

"Never" she breathed, leaning towards him.

"I need to know that you really do love me as much as I love you. This isn't a game for me, Natara. This is everything I care about. You just ripped out my entire heart, ruined my entire life, and I need to be sure you'll never do it again."

"I swear on Ken's life, Mal, I will never, ever, _ever_ break up with you again. It's you an me forever. I love you." she said before she pulled him in for the most passionate kiss she thinks they've ever had.


End file.
